I debated on whether or not to bring a remembrance to the events of 4 years ago but when I have tried to suppress the grief or ignore the reality, that proved to be a terrible holiday season decision. It would have been our 25th wedding anniversary on 12/16 and Christmas and Thanksgiving are always difficult. Grief will work its way out like a splinter if it is not given its due. SO, I remember.
Today was the day that the doctors tried one last thing after they showed me images of Angel’s brain and explained that the 4 tumors had not only not been affected by the gamma-knife radiation but was growing aggressively and uncontrollably. It would only be a matter of time. The only thing to try and slow the growth was one last radiation treatment.
It was a Wednesday that they transported Angel by ambulance across the street to a radiation office. As the staff prepped her for the treatment, the radiation oncologist shook his head and gave me the most honest report I had heard. Without the radiation she would have a couple of weeks or a month at the most. With the radiation she might get double that but there were no guarantees, no other options, no hope. Angel would not make it. She went into that tube and the radiation was given one last time. She had done this so many times now that it hardly phased her but the reality was setting in.
They got her back into her room in the ICU and got her settled. She was so weak and sluggish. The hospital was making me leave at 8pm. As I got ready to head to my hotel room I held her hand and kissed her, told her I loved her. She said she loved me too. “Ok, Love you. See you in the morning.” Those were the last words we said to each other.
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